To the hypothetical mother of my hypothetical client . . .

I am sorry that I am not willing to just plead your son out to probation. I apologize that I feel it is my obligation to have his competency and capacity to stand trial evaluated in light of the fact that he did not appear to understand a word I was saying during our lengthy discussion about his case. I am sorry that, in order to undertake this evaluation, the expert will have to view medical records that "dredge up" dirt on you (perhaps including your drug and alcohol use during pregnancy) that you don't think is anyone's business, even if those medical records are essential to determining the capacity of your child to understand the complicated court proceedings in which he is involved. I am sorry that I must represent my client's interests only and not be concerned about you looking bad. Most of all, I apologize that I seem to have forgotten that this case was all about you.